Helen Deal Funeral Celebrant in North London & East Anglia
Hello I'm Helen Deal, a member of the Association of Independent Celebrants (AOIC), working as a Funeral Celebrant in London and near Woodbridge in Suffolk, East Anglia.
Some people know me better as Helen Stott, my married name. Either way, if you are here, I'm probably meeting you at a time of crisis. I hope to put you at ease and reassure you I'm the right person to have around.
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You might be reassured to know, I've been telling stories and working with words my whole 'Pre-Celebrant' life. I was a magazine journalist in the fun era of long lunches and lots of face-to-face interviews. ​
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In my Thirties - many moons ago - I was lucky enough to live in my dream city, Hong Kong. I wrote some of my favourite articles there, one time spending 24 (silent!) hours in a Trappist monastery.
Hong Kong was full of surprises like that! You could have huge nights out, then hike off your hangover in many hidden 'off-grid' places.
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Moving to Brunei on Borneo - for husband's construction job - was a bit of a shock to the system, after city life. No media scene! No night life!
Instead: stilt houses, muddy rivers and mangroves, rain forest and beaches... But it turned out to be exactly the right time and laid-back place to adopt our two Asian daughters.
Things definitely happen for a reason!
As a family we find our way to back to Asia when we can, but our 'girls' are very much North Londoners now.
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Life changed a lot after children - as it does!
Back in London, I started teaching media skills - at one point working with Tottenham teenagers after the 2011 riots, helping them vent an awful lot of frustration.
I also ran some lovely storytelling projects with older people, also reading groups - sharing poetry mainly.
I could go on all day about 'Poem Power' and how poetry sparks neurons in the brain (scientifically proven; google it!). But I'll just say, the best of poems are a bit magic - like music, they can really heighten emotions and bring back memories.
These outreach projects were all about giving so-called 'ordinary' people a voice, and telling their stories. No wonder really that the idea of becoming a Funeral Celebrant gradually took hold.
Marking a death with some kind of memorial, really can bring peace of mind
What makes a good celebrant, for Helen Stott?
Being trained, certified, and continually developing through professional networks like AOIC, are all important ... But empathy with those feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just plain sad, makes a really good celebrant. Family and friends know me better as Helen Stott, and I'd like to explain how my personal experiences influence how I work.
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My dad died suddenly, partly as a result of caring for my mum who had Alzheimer's. Five years later, I lost Mum completely too. It was a real privilege to plan the funerals of both of them, more or less single-handedly, as my family is small.
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Since training as a Dementia Champion I now fully understand how bewildering bereavement is for those with memory loss. I also realise ill-informed friends often fall away completely, believing there's nothing left of the person they knew. This just makes life extra lonely and confusing for people like my Mum.
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For this reason I made sure Mum's Eulogy celebrated her whole life - including the many touching moments we'd had through her illness. I really wanted people to hear about this side of her too.
Why I believe in ceremony ...
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On the other hand, I've been disappointed by send-offs for younger friends that lacked ceremony, felt rushed and empty, their rounded life story not really told at all.
Direct Cremations can be a fuss-free and cost-effective choice. Raising a glass (or several) to someone loved can certainly bring people together. Yet I believe an element of ceremony and some heartfelt reflection, really helps those left behind.
After all, isn't death and grief a natural part of life?
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The first ceremony I officiated, in Autumn 2021, was for a truly lovely local man and good friend of my husband. The chapel was packed with people I knew, along with many memories of our younger days.
There and then my training kicked in, as my professional networks of fellow celebrants had assured me it would. I put aside my own emotions to become the safe pair of hands everyone else needed.
Incidentally this man had said to his family, 'just throw me in a hole', but he'd have loved the respect and affection we showed instead!
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I'm here to do my best for you, bring warmth, an open mind, and sensitively represent those you've lost.
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Outside work
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Outside work I love the buzz and diversity of London, for both its looks and personality. Equally quiet times doing my own thing revive me - books, bingeing on TV dramas, long walks on the Suffolk coast, or paddling up the River Deben with the (locally famous) Dragon Boat team.
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Funny and nurturing friendships keep me going, wherever I am, and luckily there's the firm foundation of my family. They make me laugh and challenge me constantly - usually in a good way!
That's John - my rugby-fanatic partner, a stonemason who restores buildings, and cooks great dinners - plus our two adult daughters. Adopting them as babies during our 10 years in Asia, has been the highlight of my life...
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So that's more than enough about me. If I feel like the right person to spend time with, thank you. Next time we meet will be all about you and the person who brought us together.
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Member of Association of Independent Celebrants
NOCN Certified and trained in 2021 by Fellowship of Independent Celebrants.
